Earlier today, Chicago Blackhawks forward Dave Bolland talked some trash on Chicago radio, making fun of the Sedins by calling them sisters. Vancouver Canucks fans were, predictably, outraged at yet another public figure making fun of the Sedins. Honestly, it’s nothing particularly new.

Hilariously enough, the ‘Sedin Sisters’ name has a long history. One that originated in Vancouver. By both the media and the fans. See, these days, it’s very much the vogue thing to adore the Sedins and view them as being pretty freaking awesome. Unfortunately, there was a rather loud vocal contingent of Canucks fans who were very keen on jettisoning the ’soft’ and ‘weak’ ‘Sisters.’Heck, even Mike Gillis wasn’t a fan when he first became GM of the Canucks.

Even as recently as 2009, there were serious thoughts being bandied around about not re-signing Henrik and Daniel. Insane thoughts, like signing Marion Gaborik and Marion Hossa, both players well known for their tenacity, were being seriously proposed by some…enthusiastic fans.

So if Canucks fans want to get enraged about other folks calling the Sedins ‘Sisters’, they really have no one to blame but themselves. It was a nickname foisted upon them by both the fans and the media and it’s stuck ever since.

Since the regular NHL season is pretty darn close and there’s a lot of hype surrounding the Canucks, I thought I’d take the spotlight off them and focus it on the rest of the Northwest Division. First up is a team that probably has had more hype and attention this offseason than any other team that is not the Toronto Maple Leafs: the Edmonton Oilers.

I thought it’d be fun to take a not-serious approach to things, and try and get all the other NW Division teams written up as well. We’ll see how it goes through the next couple of days.  Keep in mind this is all in fun and is not meant to be a serious take on the Oilers, so calm down before sending me an angry e-mail.

The Oilers have long been a franchise living in the shadows of the past, fans fondly looking back at glory days that happened decades ago, alumni from those glory days doing a poor job of running things.  Historically, they’ve been plagued with problems of all kinds (ownership, management, coaching, players, free agency, etc.) with a brief glimpse of hope mixed in (the 05/06 trip to the Finals), it’s easy to see why Oilers fans are looking for something, ANYTHING that would renew their hope in their struggling franchise.

Enter the ‘youth model’ of the new look Oilers. Armed with some solid draft picks, including the #1 overall pick from this year’s entry draft, the Oilers are looking to rebound from a horrible 09/10 season and are looking to have a strong 10/11 season.

FORWARDS

Taylor Hall

The anointed one. A highly touted draft pick who is excited to be playing in Edmonton and will probably be making the opening day roster at age 18. Like most talented prospects drafted by the Oilers, expect Hall to bolt for greener pastures at the earliest opportunity and/or have his development completely ruined by a schizophrenic franchise that has no real idea on how to properly manage and develop talent. Added bonus: Hall is rumored to have attitude issues and is seen as being a bit of an asshole. Kind of reminds me of another ‘franchise’ player who used to play for the Oil…

Shawn Horcoff

Hero. Champion. Superstar. Words fail to describe the agent who represents for this piddling, middle of the road hockey player, who managed to earn him a sweetheart of a deal that saw him getting paid $7M this season and $6.5M this season. Horcoff is the oldest forward on the Oilers roster and is a living, breathing reminder for Sam Gagner and Andrew Cogliano of what they will probably be turning into in the next six or seven years. Hyped up as being one of the amazing talents on the Oilers roster up until he actually received his monstrous contract, Horcoff is the perfect embodiment of what the Oilers franchise stands for these days: average talent with a superstar pricetag.

Gilbert Brule

With former Oilers executive Scott Howson jumping ship to Columbus and Kevin Lowe being moved from the GM position, it was important that the Oilers stay focused on their mission statement, which is taking promising young talent and bungling it in as horrific a fashion as possible. Gilbert Brule presents an interesting case study for the Oilers, as he was a promising young talent who was rushed into the NHL and handled by a just-as-incompetent GM in Columbus in the form of Doug MacLean. Always keen on finding new ways of ruining good things, the Oilers snapped up Brule when the opportunity presented itself, and are busy trying to sort him out. In typical Oiler fashion though, they managed to screw even that up: the former Vancouver Giant actually had a solid season last year under coach Pat Quinn.

Magnus Paajarvi-Svensson

Real deal did you hear he might be the real deal he’s the real deal REAL DEAL scored a hat trick against the TAMPA BAY LIGHTNING real deal. Real deal real deal real deal.

Dustin Penner

Another leftover from the Kevin Lowe regime, Dustin Penner was yet another in a long list of promising talent that failed to live up to expectations playing for the Oilers. Will forever be known as ‘that dude who Kevin Lowe and Brian Burke had a year long slapfight over.’ Like Brule, Penner was another player who went on to have a decent season under Pat Quinn and looked to be rebounding back into the player he was while with the Ducks. Naturally, the Oilers reaction to seeing two players who were struggling start to round into form was to can the head coach and bring in the brother-in-law of another member of the Oilers franchise.

Ales Hemsky

At age 27, Hemsky is just entering his prime and is ready to make his debut within the NHL. Oilers fans look forward to seeing a decent return on Hemsky, who was brought in as part of a trade that saw a then-young Bill Guerin leave the Oilers development system, who then went on to win the Cup in Pittsburgh.

Sam Gagner

Captain material, is pretty darn good at hockey. One of the Oilers ‘young guns’, Gagner’s not quite the level of talent to be in high demand and get shipped out a la Arnott or Weight, so he’ll probably stick around with the club until the team decides to take him out behind the woodshed and execute him, a la former captains Ryan Smyth and Ethan Moreau.

Jordan Eberle

Oilers fans are incredibly excited about this youngster. Per a preseason broadcast on Sunday, they were impressed with Eberle’s ability to ‘outshine’ a young prospect who had just recently returned from a 14 month long back injury. Other notable feats for Jordan Eberle include being able to totally deke out this 9 year olds playing ball hockey on his street, winning NHL 11 games against people with no thumbs and being able to dress himself.

Andrew Cogliano

Back when the Oilers were truly horrid, Cogliano was held up as being a prime example of the ‘dynamic youth’ that they have at their disposal and how he and Gagner were going to become unstoppable. Last year’s finish showed just how unstoppable ‘Cogs’ was: there were no depths too low for the Oilers to go and he and Gagner led the way.

Ryan Jones

Picked up off of waivers by the Oilers last year, Jones is a hard worker who plays with a lot of hustle. Not very adept in either end of the rink, he looks to make a mark on the Oilers third line. Or, if former head coach Craig MacTavish ever makes a comeback, on the Oilers top line alongside Ethan Moreau and Fernando Pisani. What do you mean they’re no longer on the team?

Colin Fraser

Colin Fraser is roughly the 1,000,000th player to have been accquired by the Oilers post-lockout where the adjective ‘tenacious forechecker’ has been used to describe their latest accquisition. Hard working and a great third liner, guys like Colin Fraser are a welcome deviation from what has been the traditional Oilers pickup: useless bottom six slug. And hey, Cup ring! I’m sure the babby Oilers will benefit from Fraser’s 3 games played in the playoffs.

Zach Stortini

The NHL’s friendliest goon, Stortini isn’t afraid to hug anyone and everyone. Although ‘being able to punch and fight’ is part of his job description, Stortini finds that it is bad manners to actually engage in fisticuffs, behavior which he finds boorish and ‘unbecoming of a gentleman.’ Signed for one more year with the Oilers, Stortini will find a wealth of opportunities once his current contract is up, including re-upping with the Oilers and continuing his tenure as part of the Oilers Ineffectual Empire, getting signed to a bloated contract by Glen Sather or starring up season 3 of CBC’s Battle of the Blades.

Jean-Francois Jacques

A few years ago, the Oilers put out a DVD promoting what a wonderful city they were in an attempt to try and attract free agents. They got JF Jacques. The Oilers PR department considered it an ‘enormous success.’

DEFENCEMEN

Sheldon Souray

Is not welcome at the Oilers training camp. Hates the Oilers, think their management has no clue and cannot wait to be traded. Was put on waivers and had no one claim him. Is not expected to suit up for the Oilers at all this season.

Guy Incognito

Really loves the Edmonton Oilers and has always felt this way. Thinks management does a great job and understands that misunderstandings sometimes happen. Is totally not that Sheldon Souray dude, who, by the way, is a total dick.

Tom Gilbert

Is a pretty swell guy and actually a pretty decent defenseman. Set a franchise record in March 2008 when he surpassed Paul Coffey and Marc Andre Bergeron’s record for most goals scored by a rookie defenseman against Predators goalie Dan Ellis. ( #DanEllisProblems ) That goal, Gilbert’s 10th of the season, also set an NHL record, as it was the first time a single player was responsible for more than 50% of a teams Goals For.

Ryan Whitney

Oilers fans were delighted, nay, estatic to hear that management had swung a trade for a Pittsburgh Penguins player. As details began to emerge, the excitement ratcheted skywards. Former 1st round pick of the Pens? Has a no trade clause that he waived? Olympian? WHO COULD THIS MYSTERY MAN BE? Ryan Whitney? Oh. Ohhhhhh.

Jim Vandermeer

Per Wikipedia, Jim’s wife Stefanie resides in Scottsdale, Arizona with her three plugs, Jim, Dexter and Jackson.

Kurtis Foster

Winner of the 2003-04 Yanick Dupre award, Foster is looking to repeat that performance this year, which is why he signed a one-way, two year deal with the Edmonton Oilers this offseason. Could actually be called the ‘centerpiece’ in a trade, as the other player packaged alongside him was Jeff Cowan.

Ladislav Smid

One of the most highly valued and coveted players on the Oilers roster by GM Steve Tambellini, Smid was reluctantly included in the begging, pleading, cajoling and complete and utter loss of respectability and dignity that was the Edmonton Oilers offseason 2 years ago. A high-octane performer, Smid would be in the running for the Calder this season alongside teammates Jordan Eberle, Taylor Hall and Magnus Svensson-Paarjavi were it not for the fact that he has already played 253 games. And has scored 4 goals and 34 points in those 253 games.

Jason Strudwick

Is not cool.

GOALIES

Nikolai Khabibulin

Has been enjoying working with new Oilers head coach Joe Arpaio. When asked about how he feels about the new coach, Khabibulin stated that while he is a bit of a slavedriver, he finds Arpaio’s methods more sensible than his predecessor Pat Quinn. Per Oilers goaltending criteria, Khabibulin fits one of two molds they like to have their goalies possess: being older than dirt and having a past due date of a couple of seasons ago. Thankfully, unlike the Oilers last geriatic goalie, Dwayne Roloson, Khabibulin doesn’t require the use of a walker to remain upright and doesn’t fall down when the slightest breeze happens to touch him, rather, he has difficultly standing given he’s typically sauced.

Jeff Deslauriers

Fits the Oilers second set of criteria in what they look for in a goaltender, which is being a youngster who is hopelessly outclassed and unsuited for the role. Expect to see mediocre goaltending for the majority of the season until the Oilers have been mathematically eliminated from playoff contention, then prepare yourself to see some amazing netminding at the hands of this talented youngster.

Devan Dubnyk

Understudy to JDD. Part of GM Steve Tambellini’s plan to apply the magic of Voltron to the Oilers goaltending situation. Problem: Voltron, much like the Oilers, were last relevant in the 80s.

Martin Gerber

Understudy to Khabibulin, Gerber should be ready for the Oilers starting position in another 4 years when he is 39 years young. Signed in a moment of confusion when Tambellini said he wanted ‘that old Senators goalie.’ He had meant Dominik Hasek.

So Mike Gillis and the Vancouver Canucks opted to make a deal with the Florida Panthers. Unlike the Indiana Jones franchise, it seems that making yet another trip to the well has paid off for the Canucks, as they obtained defenseman Keith Ballard and forward prospect Victor Oreskovich in exchange for Steve Bernier, Michael Grabner and the Canucks 1st round pick in this year’s draft.

Many folks are screaming bloody murder over the deal, believing that the Canucks were ripped off or overpaid. I will admit that I was initially one of those folks, although I will attribute that to my being a fan of Grabner and being a little irrational when hearing that the Austrian had been traded. Having given it some more thought, though, I actually really like the deal. Broken down, it makes a lot of sense and isn’t as bad as one would think.

Let’s take a look, shall we?

Assets Coming In

With Willie Mitchell sitting on the injured reserve this past season and with no real immediate help in the Canucks farm system available, it was clear that the Canucks were desperately needing to upgrade their backend if they were wanting to continue being the Stanley Cup contenders that their fans want them to be. Even if Willie Mitchell is no longer feeling post-concussion symptoms, and I’m skeptical as to how close to 100% Mitchell is given the timing of his announcement, the Canucks still needed to upgrade the backend in the worst way.

Enter Ballard. Although he isn’t a gigantic Norris candidate that can also put up points (and really, who outside of Chara, Pronger and perhaps Myers would qualify?), he is a physical, fast skating forward who is more than capable in his own end. His skillset alone should be making fans happy as he is almost exactly what folks were hoping and praying Gillis would pick up at the trade deadline. Throw in the fact that he is signed for another five years and has a cap hit of $4.2M and fans should be rejoicing that Gillis picked him up.

What’s that? You mean that his cap hit is not an albatross hanging from his neck? I’d argue yes. While he does become the Canucks highest paid defenseman, it’s not by a significant amount and it’s not something that should be held against him. Regardless, even if the Canucks plan was to sign a free agent defenseman July 1st, they’d be paying at minimum $4.2M or more for a contract. For reference, the top UFA defensemen this offseason are Sergei Gonchar (who is reportedly looking for a deal north of $5M/year), Dan Hamhuis (who has been rumored to be seeking a deal in the $4.5M range),  Paul Martin (who was making $4.5M this past season) and Anton Volchenkov (who will more than likely be receiving a deal that pays him $5M+/year.) No matter how you slice it, the Canucks were going to have to pony up some cash to upgrade the blueline.

Interestingly, Ballard’s contract has a limited no-trade clause. Starting last July, he had to list 7 teams which he would accept a deal to. Assuming he didn’t further waive his NTC, that means he liked the Canucks enough to include them on his list last off-season, which is a good sign, as hopefully he’ll enjoy playing here.

Unfortunately, I don’t know a whole lot about Victor Oreskovich beyond the fact that his name is more annoying to spell than mine. I do know that his addition to the Canucks roster DOUBLES the total number of people named Victor that are on the Canucks payroll. Oreskovich joins Victor de Bonis, who is the team’s Chief Operating Officer. I guess you could say that Oreskovich’s impact is immediate, as he’s already given the Canucks a pair of ‘vic’-tories.

That was horrible and I apologize. More seriously, Oreskovich is a big man who likes to hit. Depending on how you look at it, he’s either an upgrade on perennial AHLer Pierre Cedric Labrie, who was moved at this year’s trade deadline, or a downgrade on Steve Bernier. Depends on what part of his skillset you want to obsess over. I’m unsure where he’ll end up, but Gillis did state in his presser after the first round that ‘our third line can’t be constituted with guys who are goal scoring players’ translated that means the Canucks bottom six will be more rough and tumble and less finesse and flash this year, which means he’ll probably be getting a shot.

Also, both players have connections to Vancouver: Ballard played under Canucks assistant coach Rick Bowness in Phoenix and Oreskovich is familiar with Dave Gagner, Director of Player Development for the Canucks.

Assets Going Out

Steve Bernier, despite my defending him over the course of the past season, wasn’t meeting expectations and his $2.5M contract made him a liability. While I don’t think he was as bad/inept as people were making him out to be (he did play most of the season injured or WAS injured) he had slipped down into the bottom six and was underperforming relative to what he was making. Not a good combination and I think most people are happy to see him gone.

Michael Grabner, on the other hand, has captured the attention of most Canucks fans. Unfortunately, there really wasn’t a lot of room on the roster for Grabner: with the Sedins, Kesler, Samuelsson and Burrows all occupying fulltime spots in the top six and with Mike Gillis intending to get Mason Raymond signed to a deal, there wasn’t any room to slot Grabner in, especially if you go with Gillis’ comments about not wanting goal scorers on the third line. Factor in players such as Cody Hodgson and Jordan Schroeder, both of whom have higher potential than Grabner, and it’s clear that Grabner got lost in the shuffle. Unfortunate, but he’ll be getting a very real chance to shine down in Florida, which is probably the best possible situation for him.

Finally, there’s the 25th selection who ended up being Quinton Howden. I know it’s incredibly rash to render judgment on a player who just got drafted, but based off of what Bob McKenzie and Pierre McGuire were saying, Howden looks like he’s going to be a bit of a project and will take some time to develop. That’s of no benefit to the Canucks, who are clearly in ‘win now’ mode. I do appreciate that the Gillis made some aspect of the deal conditional contingent on whether or not certain players were available.

So the NHL Awards were tonight and Henrik Sedin just won the Hart. I’d just like to take the time to say…

Check out what I wrote back in January if you don’t believe me!

I should have some stuff up on Friday for the NHL Entry Draft, as well. Til then, I think I’m just going to bask in the awesomeness of Hank’s Hart trophy.

The talk going into this series is that the Canucks ‘wanted’ the Blackhawks, who ousted them last year in the playoffs. There was talk from the Canucks that they weren’t going to let Byfuglien bother them and they were going to take a measured, disciplined approach.

Well, it’s easy to maintain the facade of control and discipline when you never relinquish it, like the Canucks did in Game 1. It’s also easy when you’re in a hard fought game and are playing well, like in Game 2. (Sidenote: apologies for the lack of an update after Game 2.)

The real test to character/discipline/whatever comes not when things are going swell, but when everything is going to hell and things are crumbling down around you.

Like, say, Game 3 tonight. If it was supposed to be a character test for the Canucks, well, they failed miserably. Burrows taking a stupid penalty in the second was the beginning of the end for the Canucks and was the lowpoint in a game that saw the Canucks become a skating metaphor to Weezer’s ‘Unravelled (The Sweater Song.)’

Too many dumb scrums, including usually characteristically cool players like Daniel Sedin getting mixed in and the Canucks mettle seemed to wilt as the Blackhawks continued to press. On top of that, despite looking solid in the first period, the Canucks powerplay continued to be ineffective and it is something that desperately needs to be fixed if they want to have any hope of advancing past Chicago.

The Canucks cannot get caught up in the officiating or pointing fingers away from their own performance: the Canucks had their chances on the powerplay tonight and just haven’t been able to convert. Ryan Johnson was playing like the player I’ve been criticizing him for being. Dude was on the ice for 2 goals against, one of them being a powerplay goal that came 6 seconds in to the man advantage. Also of note is that Ryan Johnson only took 1 draw tonight, which came off of the aforementioned powerplay goal. Not a good sign when your highly vaunted faceoff/penalty kill specialist is taking turns sucking and blowing.

And since I’ve been sort of dancing around it, let’s talk about the officiating. Yes, it was garbage last night. But that’s not any different than the rest of the playoffs with other teams. Yes, the fifth goal shouldn’t have counted, if you compare Halak getting breathed upon by (I think) Mike Knuble in the Capitals/Habs game to what happened to Luongo. Yes, you could argue that the Blackhawks got away with a ton of interference all over the ice. You could also say that the Canucks got away with a missed too many men call or that Ryan Kesler was lucky he didn’t get called playing with a broken stick and put his team 2 men down.

Basically, what I am trying to say is that the officiating has been horrible in just about every game of every series this year. It is frustrating to watch, whether you are a fan of a team or not. Complaining about it, while it may make you feel better about the loss, isn’t going to do a whole hell of a lot.

The Canucks need to buckle up, focus on getting back to playing ‘disciplined’ and attempt to regain control of this series. Get the powerplay working, channel those emotions into on-ice results, not useless trashtalk. Forget about making a big deal of the officiating and just focus on playing.

The worst possible thing that Alain Vigneault could do is try and match ‘truculence’ with ‘truculence.’ I thought it was a mistake to take Michael Grabner out of the lineup, I also thought it was a mistake to dress Ryan Johnson. Darcy Hordichuk took the pregame warmup but did not play. I really hope that is as close as he gets to seeing action in the playoffs, because that is not a war the Canucks want to start waging.

The Canucks looked the best last night when they were forechecking and skating hard. You aren’t going to get that with Hordichuk and/or Johnson out there. You’re also going to have a huge defensive liability if you have a fourth line of Hordichuk/Johnson/Rypien eating up icetime. If Hordichuk is dressed for Game 4, I’m not going to be too positive of the Canucks chances of winning the series.

Against the Blackhawks?

The same Blackhawks that resulted in the Massacre at the Madhouse last playoffs, where Chelsea Dagger played the Canucks right out of the playoffs?

Where Dustin Byfuglien was this out of control rampaging monster that the Canucks couldn’t hope to contain him?

And the Canucks won 5-1?

Wow.

I know that this isn’t ‘fan faithful’ of me to say, but I was bracing for a loss last night. It was the first game of a series that has a lot of history between both sides and it was on home ice for Chicago. I was ready for it.

Apparently the Canucks didn’t get that memo. I mean, you get a goal from every single line, plus an additional goal from your blueliners. Hard to complain about that when everyone’s producing. And hey, I predicted that Raymond was going to show up in this series over at the Canucks Corner pre-series blog and he’s off to a good start: his efforts at keeping the puck in led to the first goal from Ehrhoff and he ended up banging in a goal of his own to boot. Not a bad first game from a guy who was very quiet for the series against the Kings.

Also? I think it’s safe to say that Roberto Luongo is ‘back’ or he’s ‘in form’ or whatever term you’d like to use to describe his play. I had speculated before the playoffs started that the only thing effecting Luongo’s play may have been mental issues to do with the Olympics. Now that the games matter he’s been solid or better. Tonight’s game was probably his best game of the playoffs as he was beat on a 5 on 3 powerplay goal. I’d argue that there was a late whistle to factor in there as well, but I’ll trust that the referee had better sight of the puck than I did.

It’s really strange. For a series that was hyped as being full of emotion and unfinished business and rivalry and yadda yadda yadda you really couldn’t detect it. I Was surprised with how much room the Blackhawks were giving to the Canucks offense…the Sedins especially. Contrast with the Kings game where you’d find LA players all over players as they gained the zone. Any room Henrik, Daniel or anyone else wanted in the offensive zone they had to fight for. Contrast that with last night’s game where Kyle Wellwood was having no problems passing and shooting the puck and you have to wonder what the hell is going on with Chicago. I know folks are saying that Eager and Burish will be in for Game 2, but I can’t see them bringing enough of a physical edge that the Canucks will wilt.

And before I start getting carried away, there is still a ton of hockey to play in this series. While winning Game 1 was a surprise, it’d be even more surprising if the Blackhawks were to simply roll over and die. They’re going to be back with a vengeance Monday night and I’d expect a much tougher game from them. So yeah, I’m not planning the parade or anything just yet.

Beyond that, I’m loving the effort from our blueline. Don Cherry had an orgasm on air over Bieksa taking the hit from two Hawks players in order to make a play, but I have to say it’s insane how much Bieksa has stepped up his play in the playoffs. He’s pinching and joining odd man rushes but he is also making it back and is playing well in his own end. During the regular season Bieksa was a disaster out there, making bad decisions to pinch and the such. It’s great to see that he (along with SOB, but everyone’s been singing his praises, so I’ll shut up) has been playing really well.

And hey, let’s say something about Andrew Alberts real quick. He’s becoming a surprise out there on the ice. A very solid game from him. I speculated before that it may have just been adjusting to a new system and some bad luck and I’m glad to see that he’s continuing to play well (ie, his first game back after Baumgartner AND Rome both went down with injuries wasn’t a complete fluke.)

Beyond that, Joel Quenneville may be in over his head against Alain Vigneault and Antii Niemi isn’t looking particularly good at this juncture. It’s like he can’t handle anything that goes top shelf. Should he really start to struggle the Blackhawks may be in a lot of trouble: beyond the 20 minutes he logged last night in relief, Huet hasn’t played in a month. Not a good position to be in.

Game 2 is on Monday! Woop woop.

The Canucks are meeting the LA Kings in the first round of the NHL playoffs. Since we’re going to be seeing a lot of LA, I figure I’d go and take the time to provide a primer for Canucks fans who may not be 100% up to date on the Kings. Think of this comprehensive, all-inclusive guide as your ‘cheat sheet’ to the Los Angeles Kings.

Forwards

Dustin Brown – 34 years old, Brown hails from Usti nad Labem in the Czech Republic. Brown earned the ire of Canucks fans everywhere back in 02-03 when he beat out Markus Naslund for the Rocket Richard trophy, but quickly earned it back when he annihilated Matt Cooke in the 05/06 season, cementing his reputation as being one of the league’s top hitters. Known to assault small children, Dustin Brown is the captain of the Los Angeles Kings. Being such a beloved figure down in LA explains why there were so many rumors circling around about trading him to Atlanta in exchange for Ilya Kovalchuk.

Rich Clune – Hailing from Toronto, ON, Clune has always dreamed of suiting up to play for the Maple Leafs in the playoffs. Realizing the futility of such a dream, Clune has graciously lended his talents to the Kings. A future Lady Byng candidate, Clune had a storied junior career, including winning silver and gold for Canada at the World Juniors, demanding a trade from the Sarnia Sting and landing with the Barrie Colts. Barrie was so touched with Clune’s professionalism that they promptly awarded him a team sportsmanship award after he scored an empty net goal October 28, 2006 against the London Knights and proceeded to taunt his opponents.

Alexander Frolov – A pioneer in gravity control research, per his website: “Alexander V. Frolov has been described as a technology pioneer. Born September 25th, 1962 in the Saratov area of Russia, Alex Frolov has been quietly but progressively becoming one of the world’s scientists to watch.” The fans of the LA Kings are so fond of Alexander Frolov that they were eager to include him in numerous trade proposals for Ilya Kovalchuk. Has the second most asymmetrical face behind only Dany Heatley. O_o

Jeff Halpern – American born and bred, Jeff Halpern is a former great captain of the Washington Capitals, being part of a list that reads like some of the greatest names in hockey, such as Steve Konowalchuk, Chris Clark, Ryan Walter (yes, THAT Ryan Walter) and Alexander Ovechkin. Halpern has spent his entire career playing on American teams in the Southern divisions. As a result, it is recommended that you not cheer, jeer or make any other loud noises, look him in the eye or make any mention of the playoffs, so as not to startle and confuse him.

Michal Handzus – Once owner of one of the NHL’s most luxurious manes and a heckuva hockey player to boot, Handzus routinely topped the lists of ‘hottest NHLer’ in annual puck bunny polls alongside Mike Ricci. He now looks like a serial killer. Nicknamed ‘Zeus’ by teammates, Handzus lives in mortal fear of tiny midgets with anger management issues.

Raitis Ivanans – A Latvian born player, Ivanans is a forward who is known for his hockey smarts: in his very first NHL game, he dropped the gloves against Zdeno Chara and earned a broken orbital bone for his efforts. Also played for the Macon Whoopee, which is probably the greatest hockey team name ever.

See Also: Jones, Randy.

Anze Kopitar – A virtual unknown to Canucks fans, Anze Kopitar was actually selected 11th overall in the 2005 entry draft, one pick after the Canucks 10th overall selection. The enigmatic Kopitar hails from Slovenia and plays center and is an alternate captain for the Kings. Kopitar has hit 60 points or more in every NHL season he has played in and has 2 30+ goal seasons. Kopitar has been quoted as saying that he is incredibly grateful that he was not drafted by the Canucks, as he wouldn’t have gotten the opportunity to showcase his talent like he has in LA.

Fredrik Modin – The true #33 for Team Sweden, Modin has a long and legendary career as an NHL forward. The Legend of Modin began in 2004 when, after realizing his boyhood dream of playing for the Toronto Maple Leafs, he journeyed to the hockey mecca known as Tampa Bay and became a member of the Lightning. Taking youngsters  Vincent Lecavalier, Brad Richards, Dan Boyle and Martin St. Louis under his wing, Modin, alongside future Hall of Famer Ruslan Fedotenko, placed the team on their back and won the Stanley Cup. Not content to rest on his laurels, Modin lent his talents to Team Sweden at the 2006 Olympics. His 2 goals and single assist propelled the Swedes to the gold medal. While some may say that the wheels have completely fallen off of the Modin wagon, as his 20 goals in the past 119 games (over the past four seasons) would indicate he is slowing down, wise fans know that Modin is simply pacing himself.

Scott Parse – A rookie for the Kings, Parse is a former college player and is apparently a huge nerd. How huge of a nerd is he? Well, this is the advice he imparted to youngsters wanting to get better at hockey:

Brad Richardson – Is like some sort of cobbled together first generation genetically engineered Chinese hockey player. What do I mean? Well, he’s got the knockoff name of Brad Richards, coupled with the feet problems of Peter Forsberg while being nowhere near as good as either of them. This made him qualify for the Masterton trophy because he went 57 games without scoring a goal, falling short of Kevin Bieksa’s absolutely epic 80 NHL games goalless drought.

Wayne Simmonds – Fortunately, Wayne does not get a lot of comparisons to another former King who goes by the name of Wayne and was also born in Ontario. Unfortunately, he does get a lot of comparisons to George Laraque, Jarome Iginla and former King Anson Carter, due to the clueless nature of sports media types. While we’re on the subject, no, Evander Kane and Patrick Kane are not brothers.

Ryan Smyth – Formerly of the Edmonton Oilers, Ryan Smyth was about the only person who didn’t want to leave the city of Edmonton, becoming the first recorded instance of NHL Stockholm Syndrome. Has a brother, Kevin, who played for the Hartford Whalers and hates Southwest Airlines.

Jarret Stoll – Has a less geekier name than fellow hockey player Norbert Stoll. Stoll’s known to go cougar hunting, as he was dating Rachel Hunter, a woman who was 13 years his senior. Stoll, in a show of being a true gentleman and all around classy guy, broke up and cancelled his wedding engagement with Hunter via e-mail and hooked up with Melrose Place star Katie Cassidy. Not since the days of Carrot Top and Courtney Thorne-Smith have we seen such a ‘dynamite’ pairing.

Justin Williams – Williams won a Cup with Carolina back in 2006. Looking to learn more about this youngster who has managed to put together back to back 30 goal seasons, I headed over to Wikipedia. I learned that Williams is adored by ‘female fans everywhere’ and that in August 12, 2006 he married his fiancee. Truly, there has never been a more talented hockey player than Justin Williams.

Defense

Drew Doughty – Much like Canucks blueliner Willie Mitchell, Doughty is apparently is suffering from post-concussion issues, as he issued a bewildering statement Tuesday, stating that he thinks that his D will have no problems shutting down the Sedins. He went on to elaborate ‘Well, we’ve got Scotty and Pronger back there, plus, we’ve got the home team supporting us at Canada Hockey Place. This should be easy.’  Also: has more chins than Kyle Wellwood.

Davis Drewiske – Hollywood is full of Double Ds and I guess the Kings are no exception.

Matt Greene – Traded from Edmonton, Matt Greene became the 74th defenseman to have been traded out of Rexall Place in the last 3 years who went on to bigger and better things. The defenseman who was traded for him, Lubomir Visnovsky, became the 75th Oilers defenseman to have been traded  in the last 3 years who went on to bigger and better things. Greene is highly regarded for being a great playoff performer and is known for racking up points in the offseason and will be a welcome addition to the Kings PP.

Peter Harrold – Is the most boring person in the NHL. More boring than the Jacques Lemaire coached Minnesota Wild. How boring is he? Even fan dislike of him is underwhelmingly tepid at best. Zzzz.

Jack Johnson – That’s J-A-Ha-Ha-C-K, J-O-Ha-Ha-H-N-S-O-N, Double J, Jack Johnson. Future country music superstar and beloved by everyone in Vancouver for his tremendous displays of sportsmanship and class. Johnson plays a physical, dominating game and comes up big against the Canucks.

Randy Jones – You know how Alain Vigneault continually dresses that one player you despise above all others and you cannot fathom how he continues to make it into the lineup because his existence in said lineup defies all convention, logic and reason? Randy Jones is the Kings equivalent of that player.

Sean O’Donnell – Affectionately known as ‘SOD’, not because that’s the acronym his name makes, but because he resembles an inert pile of grass and dirt, Sean O’Donnell is a big, hulking Irish defenseman who is prone to taking penalties. Basically SOB in about a decade, but without the party animal vibe.

Rob Scuderi – Scuderi is known as The Piece, apparently because he arrogantly defined himself as ‘The Piece’ to the Pittsburgh Penguins puzzle. Much like his other namesake, ‘Scud’, he remains inaccurate and non-lethal.

Goalies

Dan Cloutier – Is still on the Kings payroll this season and could probably provide more consistent goaltending than Quick/Ersberg/Bernier.

Jonathan Quick – The latest ‘anointed’ one by Kings faithful, Quick is the most recent in a long list of goalies that have been mass produced by the City of Angels, the likes of which have included such great starters such as Kings goalie of the future Jason ‘The Barber’ Labarbera, Leafs goalie of the future Jean-Sebastien Aubin, Habs goalie of the future Mathieu Garon, Flyers goalie of the future Roman Cechmanek, Habs goalie of the future Cristobal Huet, Leafs goalie of the future Felix Potvin, Red Wings goalie of the future Manny Legace, Canucks goalie of the future Dan Cloutier as well as Jamie Storr and Steve Passmore. Basically what I’m trying to say is that Vancouver’s ‘goalie graveyard’ was the book upon which LA’s ‘goalie graveyard’ direct to video film was based upon.

Erik Ersberg – Is really hoping that Jonathan Quick is a good goalie

Jonathan Bernier – The other Jonathan who plays goal for the Kings. Spent 4 games up with the Kings in 07/08, boasting a 4.03 GAA and .864 Sv%. In the eyes of your typical Canucks fan, is still a far more effective hockey player than Steve Bernier.

And that should hopefully be all you need to know about the Kings going into Thursday’s game! Kings fans, this is all in good fun and would love to see your ‘take’ on the Canucks!

I am le horrible with le blogging. I know. Interviews and other responsibilities have taken me away from this. Or, excuses, excuses. What will the lazy bastard come up with next?

Ahem. So, the Edmonton game was pretty horrible. I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to blog that, as I like to try and write something up even when the Canucks lose. So, sorry. I do think that Luongo looked bad and that he’s probably run out of mulligans this season for off nights. I’ve got something brewing shortly looking at Luongo, but, well, time.

Also thought that the D, to a man, looked bad. Nothing on par with Bieksa’s gaffe Saturday when he couldn’t find the puck in the crease. They weren’t getting to the loose pucks or winning the battles along the boards and it ended up costing them a chance at a comeback. The fact that it was the Edmonton Oilers…well.

I really like the Kesler line, as they’ve been causing a lot of havoc out there, although most of that has been only in the way of chances. Grabner got a number of chances against Edmonton but just couldn’t convert. I really hope that he sticks around once Samuelsson is healthy.

Beyond that, the Canucks bottom six played rather well against the Oilers, while the Sedins were largely quiet.

But they made up for it tonight against the Ducks, resulting in Henrik getting back on top of the NHL scoring race, edging Ovechkin out by a single point. Washington does have a game in hand on the Canucks, and with single digits remaining in the games remaining column, the Art Ross derby suddenly got a whole lot more interesting. I’m still not convinced that Henrik is 100% which is a strange comment to be making given that he had a great game against the generally physical Ducks. That pass to Burrows? Ridiculous.

I noticed that Rypien only had about 5 minutes of icetime all game. I guess Alain Vigneault hasn’t really been impressed with his play as of late. I don’t think he was injured (although with Rypien you never know), but interesting that Alain Vigneault was being selective in who he threw out on the ice.

I loved Andrew Raycroft’s performance, too. More importantly, I liked the fact that the fans were cheering for him. One, because he’s a guy who has had to play on some horrible teams and is really starting to make a case for himself. I know Toronto fans (and potentially Boston/Colorado fans) won’t share that sentiment, but I generally don’t wish ill will on players not named Todd Bertuzzi.

The second reason I got a kick out of those cheers is because Roberto Luongo had a front row seat for them. Think of it as the fans sending #1 a message: you can be better, you need to improve. Get your act together and all will be forgiven.

Or maybe I’m just being way too bloody romantic with these Postscripts now. Hah. I do think that Luongo will take that chant to heart and look to ‘get in the groove.’

The Canucks play next against the San Jose Sharks on Saturday!

Yeah, I’m skipping the Islanders game. Don’t worry, I have a blog post forthcoming on that game! Chronological order? What’s that?

So I’ll admit I was a little worried with tonight’s game against the Sharks. They’re a good team, have regularly beaten up on the Canucks the past couple of seasons and they were looking to avenge themselves after a rather horrific 8-2 thrashing by the Dallas Stars. Then again, you could say that the Canucks, and Roberto Luongo in particular, were looking to avenge themselves after getting beat by Jonathan Tavares (and the New York Islanders) on Tuesday at GM Place. Luongo, who has been pulled 4 times in his past 13 starts, ended up having a rather stellar game, posting some big saves against the Sharks in a 34 save performance. Did he get beat? Yes, but Luongo was consistently making big saves and kept the Canucks in the game, much like he did in the second and third periods against Calgary. No idea if that was the result of his being pulled in Tuesday’s game or the barrage of questions he faced regarding his getting the hook as of late, although I’d say it played a huge part.

It’s weird how blogging works. I wrote a long piece talking about how the Canucks bottom six has been dragging the team down and what happens? Ryan freaking Johnson scores a goal, Jannik Hansen has been potting game winners, Wellwood’s been starting to contribute regularly to the scoresheet and even Darcy Hordichuk hasn’t looked out of place in the lineup. Don’t get me wrong, I love it and hope that this play carries into the playoffs. I do have to ask, where the hell have all these guys been hiding all season, though.

All that said, Hansen did have a fairly off night. He was on the ice for both Sharks goals against and his inability to clear the puck out of his own zone directly resulted in the second Sharks goal. Again, referencing that older post I did, Hansen is young and needs experience if he’s to outgrow these mistakes and while I’m not concerned (he’s not costing the team games!) I figured it’d be noted, given the savage beatings players like Steve Bernier and Kyle Wellwood have taken all season long. Heck, even Mikael Samuelsson, who was on a long cold streak prior to his Olympic snub, was getting it from online Canuck fans. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, guys!

I doubt many Canucks fans would have ever expected to welcome Shane O’Brien with arms wide open like they did last night. Nor do I think many fans would’ve expected such a patient, composed game from him. Yet there he was, skating well and having one of his better games as a member of the Canucks. SOB has come a long way from his days where he was a defenseman who the Tampa Bay Lightning had given up on. Coming in, folks said he had a penchant for taking stupid penalties and that he could’t skate at all. His skating has improved and his ’stupid penalties’ have gone way down this season. It would appear that Rick Bowness can, in fact, coach defensemen. I say all this, because it gives me hope that Andrew Alberts, who has shown some promise and is signed with the Canucks through to next season, may just turn into a similar player despite the dubious start he’s had as a Canuck.

In the That’s Sort of Good News Dept: the more Mason Raymond continues to struggle, the lower his asking price will be once he becomes a restricted free agent this summer. I believe that Raymond’s got something like 5 goals in the last 30 or so games. On the other hand, with Mikael Samuelsson out and rookie Michael Grabner in, it’d be nice to see Raymond step up and start chipping in again.

Speaking of Grabner, it was nice seeing him back up with the Canucks. I’ve been a fan of him for a while now so it’s nice to see him being able to handle playing against one of the NHL’s top teams. No points, but he came close with a couple of great shots, including hitting the post and a wonderful chance off a Ryan Kesler feed.

Finally, what the hell is with the ice at GM Place? Watching Boyle out there in the third period made me wonder if I was having an out of body experience or something. Seriously, stumbling and scrambling around on the ice is what I do, not the guys I devote way too much time/energy watching.

The Canucks square off against the Detroit Red Wings Saturday for another Hockey Night In Canada matchup. I typically don’t like to SEE a Canucks loss, but if they have to, doing it against Detroit would be an acceptable scenario.

I know, I’m late. Furthermore, I’m like two weeks behind with the Week That Was. Unfortunately, paid work trumps unpaid work.

I’m going to do a 2 in 1, sort of, for this, considering I missed blogging the Sens game as well. (That sound you hear? Google Analytics dying of crib death…) I thought this was probably one of the best games, top to bottom, from the Canucks in a long time. Kevin Bieksa looked good coming back in his first game since his calf was sliced and diced, Luongo was in fine form and just about everyone was doing their job. Even guys like Ryan Johnson.

That solid play continued into Sunday’s game against the Flames. Who would’ve thought the Canucks could’ve earned 4 points in the standings off of only 20 minutes of work? The first period against Calgary should be preserved and used for future generations of how to play hockey. I couldn’t believe how flawless the Canucks were looking in the opening frame. I know, I sound horribly homertastic, but man, literally everything was going the Canucks way. I mentioned over on Twitter during the game that the bounces were working out for the Canucks, too. It wasn’t just that bounces were in favor, but they were seemingly going right onto the sticks of the boys wearing the Orca. Sort of ridiculous, but the end result was a 3-0 lead and Mikka Kiprusoff being chased to start the second period.

From there on, though, it was mostly the Flames who were in the driver’s seat as they started to take over and dictate the pace of the game. Understandable, as the Canucks had just come off a 6 game road trip (sorry, but the Olympic break counts here) and were playing the second game of a back to back. Had the Flames not came out so flat in the first frame, it could’ve been a completely different result on the scoresheet.

Well, the first period effort and Luongo. It looks like it’s the long awaited start of Luongo getting ‘in the zone’ as even Sportsnet West play by play man, Peter Loubardias, who generally is not very good at calling the action on the ice, recognized this. Luongo looked sharp, which was a nice change of pace from the Luongo we had on the road: he of the giving up the first goal and getting subsequently yanked. So yes, Luongo put together a fantastic two games, although he was really only challenged in the second and third periods of the Calgary game.

I was also pleasantly surprised with Ryan Johnson’s play as of late. I thought he looked good in Ottawa (although from about halfways through the second onwards I was distracted) and he continued his, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, solid play against Calgary. Jannik Hansen also looked really good over the weekend and played probably his best hockey in the past 2 seasons he’s been on the Canucks. I also liked that he was mixing it up with the opposition, too. Following the Moose, I know he likes to chirp and get under the skin of opponents so glad to see him continue that trend.

Glad the Sedins have woken back up, too. I know that they were still producing while they were on their goalless drought, but it’s nice to see them out there controlling the play and being up to their usual troublesome selves. Perfect timing, too: Ovechkin is potentially facing a suspension for his hit on Chicago’s Brian Campbell and Henrik is 3 points behind him in what’s shaping up to be the NHL version of Catch Me If You Can. Can Hank make like Tom Hanks and chase down Ovi?

Beyond that, I hope to God Salo continues to stay healthy as he’s been a rock for the Canucks lately. Loved his diving into the net and playing goalie against Calgary last night. Anyone who saw the play knows what I’m talking about. Alberts also continues to intrigue me: I love the fact that he’s strong and not afraid to toss opposing players around. I’m also surprised that for being a defensive defenseman, Alberts sure likes jumping up into the play and pinching whenever it suits him. Surprising because he’s such a big guy you don’t expect him to be able to get back and into position so quickly but that’s exactly what he’s doing. Give him a little more time on the roster and I think folks are going to be really happy with him.

No idea where Mason Raymond’s been as of late, but it’d be great if he can make his way onto the Canucks roster, as I haven’t seen him in a while. What do you mean, he’s been playing? Seriously? Ugh. The second half of this season has been brutal for you, MayRay.

Canucks are going to continue their homestand with a game against Tavares and the Islanders Tuesday. The best part about that game? I’ll be catching it LIVE at GM Place!